I thought should be Saturday o.O as bug told me maybe change to saturday that time as alot of them can't make it on Friday.. But it's tonight... and my toothache :S so painful lol -_- can't smile today... cos that tooth is so ugly :P tomorrow crown will be placed...
Already know what to give bug...and can't wait to see cutie bug... hehehe...won't be able to blog tonight though...
Sigh, bug must make sure got toilet leh!!! my auntie visit me -.- very ma fan... :S!...
Tomorrow morning got dentist appointment as the crown is ready...weee after it's place.. i will have beautiful teeth... well it's because i had a bad tooth ages ago.. i was thinking nah it's only one tooth... so slowly time goes... it spread ... one bcome 3 :S!!!! so now hunny is coming i got to do something o.O So i did crown (i don't like those fake teeth then can be remove wash blah blah i think it's kinda :S) ...
Did first crowning 2 months ago to try it... they stick it right onto your previous tooth... they will remove the outer layer of your tooth (normally those decay thingie they will use the machine to hmm clean it away... it's very painful... but that dentist of mine is really cool...
First visit when i was 8 years old
When i was a little girl, mum wanna bring me to dentist remove a tooth of mine.. i was crying as dentist is like a demon to me o.O... mum pull me there :(...
I'm standing outside the clinic, crying so bad as i'm afraid....Finally It's me turn...my name was called... went into a scary room with no one inside... only a chair...sit on the chair and "Di" sound of the machine the next minute i know, I'm facing the ceiling, then i saw a the scary man, Dentist Dr. Ng. He saw im crying... he tell me...im only looking i won't do anything ok?... no pain pain and a big smile on his face... he ask me to close my eyes so he can "see" my teeth for me...i nod... and close my eyes...
Then after a while.. i feel like fingernail place on my gum...then he pat my shoulder and say "Xiao Mei mei, you may open your eyes, im done" ... so i open... then he say "nothing happen right?" (i shake head reply nothing)... "ok, you go outside play awhile later uncle call you in give you sweet ok?" ... so i went out with mum happily and says "Mummy, the doctor is so kind... he even says he gonna give me sweets :D... but :( we are leaving now... why he don't give me sweets now ?? :(" (silly me thought nightmare is over)... then i feel the tooth o.O it's still there... then i ask mummy... mum say it's only injection jus now..will be removing soon... then i cry... and the surrounding is those "ZEEEEEEEE" sound you normally heard in dentist clinic...
Then i feel my mouth very numb... (he did the injection when i went in jus now and i have no feeling of that injection)... so the scary door open... a nurse call my name... and i was put on that horrible scary chair... "DI" sound of machine that make my chair goes down... I'm facing the ceiling right now... suddenly a familar smile came... it's not the scary image now it's the kind and gentle dentist... he say... this time.. he got to open my mouth wide... i will feel something on my teeth.. but he promise me it won't hurt at all... so... i trust him... he ask me to close my eyes... i did...
I peek a little and i regret -.-... i saw a giant PLYERS...
Then I'm shivering... then i feel he put plyer in my mouth trying to pull something out but not painful at all from what he say... then he ask me to rinse my mouth and show me the tooth... "see? it's removed..* he point to one part of the tooth and says "this is the naughty things that make your tooth pain, but do you know what it scares of?" I shake my head... "Brushing ^^, so you have to brush teeth bfore you sleep then you will kill all these naughty things. Ok?" I smile and agree...
Then i went out.... waiting for mum to make the payment then i realize i haven't get the sweet :O!... When i about to walk sadly out of the clinic... My name called :D... Doctor gave me a sweet (ok i can't remember what sweet)... but he mention i can't eat it yet... until mum lets me.. i agree... and also remind me to brush my teeth after eat... so we went happily home...
In that clinic, there's two dentist.. Dr. Ng (guy dentist) and Dr. Moi (i think) it's a lady dentist.. Please DO NOT VISIT DR. MOI. There is angel and monster... Dr. Ng is angel... Dr. Moi is monster!!! Second visit i went is ... last year.. it's so long queue in the morning 10am...
We went in... nurse asking "Any dentist will do?" So my mum says yes... then immediately she tell me to go to room 2... so i did... it's DR. Moi... As i'm doing filling on one teeth... so she did the filing thing for me... IT'S DAMN PAINFUL she didn't stop at all... jus ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIII all the way... my teeth sooo sour.. she did soo hard and no rest at all...i said it's pain... she say "if you wan beautiful teeth you got to bear" so i bear... but it's unbearable.. i try to get up she hold me down!... im so pissed i push her away and stare at her... "I SAID WAIT... IT'S PAINFUL UNDERSTAND?!" so she didn't say anything only give me an unhappy look... my sis and mum says im bleeding all over.. my lips... im so pissed.. i bear it finally it's done... she put the filling for me.. a white teeth to put in the hole...
Mum did the same thing.. she's struggling too... how painful it is...
Worse still when we back home... at night when i brush my teeth that white filling drop!... same as mum.... so we are so angry... by then we realize why is there long queue... and why we get to see dentist immediately when we came... because every single patient were waiting for Dr. Ng...
So that weekend, mum and me went back and we told nurse we will wait for DR. Ng..nurse advise it will be long waiting like 2 and half hours... we agree.. and waited, i recognize the smile...once i step in the room... he says "xiao mei mei, come and sit.. tell me whats wrong with your teeth, uncle help you see ok?" and smile... so i tell him what happen last week...he see my teeth and says "oh god...that's bad, don't worry i help you do one nice nice ok?" we agree... so he did it.. and it's not painful... he do it slowly... and it's sooo well done... didn't drop at all... until now!!!.. it's still so firm don't look like fillings at all...
So i trust him to do crowning its $180.. but worth it... i guess everyone afraid of dentist... but some dentist is really cool... like this dentist of mine... the long queue proves it... hehehehe.... muacks... take care all will blog soon :D...
Rapist seen on CCTV stalking stewardess
Footages then showed the suspect pushing the woman into the car and taking over the wheel. They were in the car for about 10 minutes before they left the car park, with the rapist driving. The rapist drove around the> car park for several minutes searching for an un-manned exit. Finding one, he drove through, shielding his face with a baseball cap from a CCTV at the exit. The stewardess was spotted seated at the front passenger seat and her face was turned away from the rapist. Her hands were behind her back but it is not known if they were bound.
Sources told the New Straits Times that the suspect, described as fair-skinned and stocky, was wearing beige pants, blue shirt and a white baseball cap. He was first seen walking down the staircase from the ground floor of the shopping complex to the basement car park. For several minutes he loitered in the car park, shielding his face from the CCTVs.
Footages then showed the stewardess driving into the car park. She parked next to a pillar
After she left her car, the rapist was seen walking towards the car. He then hid behind the pillar and waited for her. The 30-minute recording from at least four CCTVs placed at various locations in the car park, was seized by police to facilitate investigations. Police are tight-lipped over the matter but it is learnt they have several leads on the suspect. The rapist had allegedly demanded money from the stewardess, who only had RM50 on her.
He then demanded the PIN number of her ATM card but she could not remember it as she was overcome by fear. Frustrated and not satisfied with his loot, the man drove the stewardess to a park near the shopping centre and ripped off her clothes and raped her in the back seat. He then drove to a secluded area and raped her again despite her pleas to be released. The man left the stewardess in her car where she stayed for an hour before she drove home and related her ordeal to her husband. It is learnt that the stewardess had given birth six months ago and was at the shopping centre to buy milk for the baby. Her husband is also said to be a steward and both are in the same local airline.
Checks by New Straits Times at the basement car park showed the spot, where the stewardess parked her car, was not far from a security booth, where one guard was stationed. However, the view from the security booth was obstructed by several pillars. It is learnt there were six> guards on duty at the centre on the night of the incident. But they were patrolling other levels of the four-storey shopping complex. None were at the basement car park at the time of the incident. A manhunt has been mounted and witnesses are urged to contact the Petaling Jaya district police headquarters at 03-7956-2222.
Alright, this news is kinda disturbing in KL right now. Rapist still scot-free.... Ladies do beware...
Not feeling well yesterday, Sleep very long... jus came back to office now it's 8.30am. Checking email and stuff.... infact my stomach is really funny for quite long.. going to see chinese doctor this weekend... It's like a stone in my stomach feeling... well i didn't eat.... or when i eat a little... i have no idea why :S... so hunny ask me to eat alittle which i did... i ate cabbage and carrot for dinner then stomach immediately feel so bad... like sooo hard :S....
My birthday coming soon, not sure how to celebrate as hunny reached Singapore on the 10 August then 11 August my birthday, then 12 August morning i have to go back to KL with him together... Rush? yea.... i don't know how to plan.... see how ba... later i discuss with Elyn...
Another thing is.... MSN finally ok.... hehehe... at last someone do something to it... Miss all my friends....Once i get my free laptop this weekend and get a broadband service in KL i can blog and chat with my friends more often.. Take care all...
Yesterday, I'm watching the video clip of a gal got assaulted by 4 other gals... age around 14-16. Watched the video and feel so pissed...they treated her like punching bag, kick, step and slap. Strip her top, one of them was taking video using handphone... the victim was half naked for awhile... then she pull back up her tube top. Yes, they zoomed in and take shot of her for the whole attack.
Then they try to pull her shorts off but she struggle... the gals was like slap her, pull her hair and slap her... others hold her body and one gal kick her on her chest...
I read thru the whole news from Monday's Newpaper, the victim's elder sister and those gals are friends... so the victim get to know them too and become friends.. One day, she bought condom to give a guy and some other friends. It meant to be a joke... but happen the guy who recieved the condom think she is trying to seduce him and his girlfriend got pissed too...
Another reason is they claimed the victim stared at one of the girl like challenging her to a fight (this is normally the stupid reason teens gangsters fight for in Singapore) the victim claimed that she gave condom to him was only a joke, nothing more than that. She wasn't staring at her only happens to look into their direction. So those gals called the victim's sister to bring her out and settle this matter, Yes! Her own sister bring her out and watching her get kicked. WTF is she doing? Coward ass acting as she's doing the right thing for justice to bring her younger sister out to get her punishment? WTF!!! GRRRR so piss...those girls cheaper than whores... go F*** yourself. -_- ok hunny ask me don't think about that video :S as anyone who see that video will get soooo mad... trust me -.- it's true... -switch off angry mode-
:D So one day, victim mum happens to saw that video clip and recognize as her own daughter. She wanted them to pay for their stupid act and intend to file charges against them.. Those girls speak to victim's mum and explain to her what her daughter did (the reason i mentioned above)...Still it's unreasonable for you to hit her like this... Victim don't wish to file charges against them and said those girls was actually doing her a favour to settle this problem if not that guy (the one who recieve the condom) will get her himself... she will get hurt more.
Ok those are bullshits... the victim got threatened i think. But parents have no choice but to drop charges and give them one last chance... Victim says "They apologise to me and we are friends again" -_- what the! :S nevermind. Hey, teens acting as hero kicking helpless ass wake up ok? dont' be so stupid and idoit... feel like kicking their ass .... GRRR!!! ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!! -_- -switch off angry mode-
SHOCKING DIALOGUE
Girl who is filming the clip says: Unbutton, unbutton.
Same girl, telling two of her three friends not to come into the frame: You don't come yet, you don't come yet.
Same girl, when her friends pull down the victim's tube top: Wo you zoom liao leh (Mandarin for I have zoomed in). Wo you zoom liao leh.
Giggles and laughter.
Another girl (appearing to be commenting on one of the assailants as she tries to pull down the victim's shorts): Wah, ta hui bi jiao hiong leh (mixture of Mandarin and Hokkien for she is more violent).
One of the girls: Wan le mei you (Mandarin for are you done)?
Reply from another: Yao wan le (Mandarin for almost).
GRRR... KNN -.- -switch off mode-
Taken around 5.15pm, rain stopped. Then i go keep my laundry and wash my clothes preparing to go gym, when im back i took another pic.
Traffic slight movement, see the white truck on the right? compare to the first pic o.O only moved a little. I made a smart choice to go apartment gym today, phew... if not i guess taxi driver will charge me alot again :S...
Apartment gym, wow, have cycling machine, cardio machine, steps machines, situp, but all spoil ^^.... only one stupid cardio machine working... with funny noise :S... so did that and some weight training came home full of sweat and take a hot shower. Came back to office (sleeping there) to talk to hunny :). Sat evening going dinner with family, gonna buy wallet for dad o.O will keep a lookout tomorrow... and will be reaching sg around 10pm tonight... tiring tiring....
The feeling is "Something standing beside my room door" (i didn't turn around to look yet) The image of that something shows in my thoughts too. A long hair little girl in blue, ok the strange thoughts is "What you gonna do now?" So i ask myself what i gonna do (ps. Im alone, Frankel, my room mate is next door though)
So i asked myself what i gonna do? Finally i decide to do this . . .
Maybe i asked her what she want and why she's bothering me. (ok thats the thoughts i have instead of screaming my first choice)
So i turn around to see is there something there...
Guess what i saw???
Nothing over there beside my clothes hanging there. So i went back to bed. When i about to close my eyes... I smile and think
If i saw that thing maybe i should say "Wrong room la, go next door find that guy :p *then push her out the door* good girl go go ^^ " lol joking o.O
Bought a magazine, Female. Attracted by the headlines;
Nothing much about the slimming thing but "I WAS DUMPED & LOST MY BABY" was pretty interesting. Now for viewers i will type it out ^^
"I lost My Baby & My Man"
Jessica, 38 spiralled into depression when she lost her baby and was dumped by the man she thought was her soul mate. She shares her story,
"I fell in love with Mark the second i laid eyes on him. It was July 2004, we
met at a party organised by mutual friends. He was a decade younger than I, but we had alot in common-Mark was spontaneous and humour. I was married at the time, but i didn't care that I'd suddenly developed a wild attraction to this handsome stranger. Mark made me young again, and, more importantly, we shared a strong chemistry. After spending just a few hours with him, I was convinced he was the man for me. Something told me that he and i were destined to be together. My marriage was in bad shape, so that very night, when i got home, i told my husband i wanted out and demanded a separation."
Torn between two men, "My husband, Paul and i started dating when we were 20. We were married eight years, but our relationship had dwindled into something monotonous and stale. Paul had changed-in the beginning he was confident and exciting, but a couple of years into the marriage, he became Mr. Average. Over time, I went head over heels in love with him to feeling nothing more than some sort of sisterly affection towards him. I was beyond miserable being married to Paul so when i met Mark, I sensed my luck was about to change for the better.
Mark was a take-charge kind of guy, I loved that about him. He enjoyed begin in control, and he was headstrong and confident. He made me feel really good about myself, too. I agreed to start seeing him romantically - at first we just met up for coffee, but within a couple of weeks, our relationship became sexual. My lover was absolutely amazing in bed. I don't recall ever feeling that sort of urgent, passionate love for any man before - not even Paul. Mark and i made love almost every day for several weeks. Being with him was sheer bliss. For the first time in a very long time, I felt alive - emotionally, mentally, and sexually.
Though I'd asked Paul for a seperation, I somehow could not bring myself to stop seeing him. It wasn't because i loved him and couldn't be without him, I had just become too used to him being in my life. He suspected i was having an affair, but each time he asked if i was cheating on him, I denied it. Mark didn't like the fact that Paul and i were still together, but i told him i no longer loved Paul. Sadly, i don't think he believed me. I told myself not to worry, that once Paul agreed to a divorce, Mark and i could finally get round to having a proper relationship.
Paul's father passed away just after i started dating Mark, so i used the time he was out of the house to be with my lover. One night, Paul stole my phone and scrlled through my text messages. He was livid when he saw all my messages to Mark, When i told Mark about it, he just shrugged it off and said he wasn't scared of Paul. Despite all the drama, i could not stop two-timing my men. I don't know why - perharps some part of me still wanted my marriage to work."
Pregnancy shock "Two months into my relationship with Mark, Paul's grandmother passed away. At the wake, I cried so much i surprised even myself. I had no idea then that i was pregnant and that my emotional state was due purely to the pregnancy hormones. My period was late, but still, the fact that i was with child didn't cross my mind. That month, i went for a routine breast check and Pap smear. The doctor thought my breasts were more lumpy than usual, but what scared me most was the discovery of two large fibroids in my uterus. Days later, it occurred to me that i might be pregnant. I did a test and the result is positive. Apparently, it was the pregnancy that caused my breast to feel lumpy and my fibroids to enlarge.
"When i told Mark I was pregnant with his child, he said i could either have an abortion, give the baby up for adoption, or marry him. He promised he would be supportive of whatever decision i made. Getting married was out of the question, and so was carrying our baby to full-term. Afraid, confused and worried, I opted for an abortion. The way i saw it, once i'd gotten rid of the baby everything would return to normal and i could be with Mark the way i wanted. At first, Mark was upset that i'd chosen to abort his baby, but he said he would not go back on his promise to support my decision
"Over the next several weeks, I underwent a couple of ultrasound tests. When i heard my baby's heartbeat, i thought, 'There's just no way i can abort this child'. But once i make a decision i don't usually change my mind. Beside Mark, i told only a couple of close friends about the planned abortion. I couldn't bring myself to tell my parents was was going on; i was too ashamed and i didn't want them to worrry unnescessarily. Paul has no idea i was even pregnant.
"On the day of the abortion, i shoved my fear aside and put on a brave face. I convinced myself the operation would have no effect on me, and even made my hospital stay out ot be some crazy adventure away from home. I guess i couldn't come to grips with the guilt. I was feeling. When i woke up after the abortion, Mark was shocked that i didn't seem upset. The next day, the grief hit me like a ton of bricks. But still, I hid my emotions from everyone.
"A few days later, I developed an infection from the operation. I was prescribed super-strong antibiotics, and given a week's medical leave. I could barely move. That same week, Mark dumped me. All he said was he couldn't take the stress anymore. Two days later, he said he wanted get back together, but that he no longer loved me. I didn't understand it. I couldn't stop crying. I stayed with him nevertheless, all the while wondering how and when his feelings for me changed. Then, two weeks later, he sent me an email saying he just wanted to be friends. I was too shocked to react this time so i ran back to Paul for comfort.
Alone again "In December 2004, Paul and i decided to take a second shot at our marriage. We saw a marriage counsellor and tried to work things out between ourselves, but within a few months of getting back together, i realised there was no more hope for us and that divorce was the only solution. Mark and i were no longer together as a couple, but we still met once a month for sex. I still loved him a great deal but he never brought up the subject of getting back with me.
"Paul moved out of our martial home for good in November 2005. He wants nothing more to do with me;he won't even speak to me these days and i don't really blame him. He can't get over the fact that i don't love him anymore. I never told him about the abortion. If he knew, i think he'd go completely psychotic.
"Just a few weeks ago, Mark told me he has a new girlfriend. We'd just made love, and he was more passionate than usual. I was crushed; I honestly believed i stood a chance with him. In the last year or so that we resumed a sexual relationship, Mark and i never talked about the abortion or how we felt about each other. Once, when i told him i wanted to get the guilt from the abortion off my chest, he waved his hand at me and told me to stop wallowing in the past and get on with my life. That hurt. He has no idea how depressed i've been or how much i love him because he refuses to communicate. Now that he has a new girlfriend, he doesn't have time for me. We've stopped seeing each other-he never calls, and whenever i call him, he tells me he cant talk because he's with her. I cannot believe the way he just cut me from his life. It's as if i no longer exist."
Burden of the heart "The last two years were the most horrible of my life because i lost both the man i love and our baby. If i could turn back time i probably would've spoken to my parents about the pregnancy. I took the easiest way out not did not exhaust all my options. That's my biggest regret. I can't help thinking, 'What if?" The only good thing to have arisen from the abortion is, now i know for sure that i would like to have kids some day. Up till recently, i hated children and had no material instincts whatsoever. Still, i don't know how i'm going to live with the mistake i made."
"I've been depressed for more than a year over Mark and the baby i chose to have aborted. I have to force myself to feel happy. Sometimes at work, my grief gets the better of me and i'll rush to the bathroom and weep in silence. Some mornings i can't bring myself to wake up and face the day. I have several close friends but only a few are aware of what i've been through. They don't believed im depressed because i hid it so well. Despite having many friends. I've never felt more alone. I guess my way of dealing with pain is to ignore it. Maybe only then will it go away."
The events in this article occured in Singapore.
Abortion, other than to protect the life, mental health or health of the mother, is still illegal in Malaysia.
Articles from Female, June 2006.
My view, honestly while reading to some part, some questions in my mind.
"Why you loved Mark so much and he asked for marriage you opted it's impossible?"
Mark maybe is just a impatient lover who get new love easily when he know he doesn't have a chance? The whole story the way it goes sounds like the girl make mistake but when i actually think over, my view is , the girl love Mark so much and that marriage she can't let go because she can't make herself to do it. If saying the girl was in the wrong.. her mistake will be she can't totally cut out someone she once love... but the girl pay the price and the guy wiped his ass and go on with new life.. Girls always end up taking more punishment than guys? But still girls can't make up their mind it's part of ladies nature. I do love that new guy but this old flame with me for a long journey like can't bear to let go etc...
Actually the point is can you get used to new life without that someone who is part of your life that you used to spend with the past journey...Example, you been taking the same bus and work in the same company for decades, one day you switch to a new job, new company, new faces, new journey, how do you feel at that time? It's the same feeling... those who are in a relationship for a long period, you and him/her and shared all moments for decades. Did you ever have the thoughts one day he/she might not be with you anymore? Thoughts like "Impossible, we together so long i believe he will be the one for me and we will spend rest of our life together" because it's already part of your life.
One day, you realize you fall in love with another guy/gal. You will be asking yourself, "No, i can't do that i can't betray him/her someone i promised i will love him/her forever and i don't think this guy/gal love me too." That's how affair exist, keeping a secret. Your mate won't know and you can try out a relationship with the
"new" love.. then when "Oh yea i love her/him much more than my old mate, alright it's time to break with my old mate and spend all time with my new love" So this will go round and round...another half got hurted thinking of the promise they made together... Whenever in a new relationship, we told all our friends, how much i love her how much i love him...i will never leave you. I believe everyone heard or say this sentence in your life at least once. But look who is beside you right now." I promised and someone promised to me will love me and will never hurt me forever but for decades all i get back was bruises and scars everywhere. I can't make myself to get free from the relationship as it's already part of my life just like part of my body.. used to hear his voice, even to the extend knowing what he gonna say in his next sentence...planned marriage everything and even informed all friends we are getting married soon but still... it ended... God helped me giving me strength to give up the relationship and lead me to a new life.
PS: What written above is what i think about this world...nothing much hehe...
It's beautiful..and rare view... as it's soo bright that it shine in my room...so i look at the beautiful moon awhile and prepare to work... then when im on my way to work...it's dawn...30 mins for the moon to go down o.O? and it's like full moon... I will keep track tomorrow.. to see is there such moon again....
Next morning, crawl up at around 9am. So sleepy, then went to get gift for ying and meet her up at jurong east mrt station last platform. Happy to see her :D then head down to meet dd my laogong and head down to siloso beach together. It's been like 8 years since i went there...
Wondering where are they then we heard loud painful scream from a guy, yea is them. Torturing renhui, ying and dd went to changing room to get change and i head off to them. Saaw roy sad face and he tell me "Jie :( my hp lost" ahh then i tell him about jus now when i call him some guy answer the call he is like so mad not because of the phone is because of the numbers and things he kept in the phone. Poor xiao di . As for Jack still crazy and funny as usual, he is like staring at the sea beside me saying how much he wanna to go down to the water but he forget to bring "short" he is like "i didn't bring my shorts :( "
After that i have to go, as my sister is soo tired and im afraid hunny will be very lonely so i promised him to be home asap, will miss ying dd and everyone... hope you all have fun and sorry that im abit out that day but im very happy :D
Went home, and hunny so happy and saw his upset face saying he miss me so much feel kinda bad that i leave him alone. Then chatted with him awhile and also write letter to him and wrap up a box of chocolate that i buy for him from hongkong disney...
Yesterday is Ying birthday, Happy birthday my lao por. I miss you alot!.. This saturday decided to go for movie and dinner to celebrate her birthday, read from dd blog and I'm so happy of what dd says... and I'm important to them which makes me happy.. actually there's smile on their face I'm content enough.
Its true, we rarely speak to each other or met each other.. As I'm busy with my work and I'm working in KL.. it's really tiring when I'm back in Singapore... friday night reach singapore, sunday going back KL... only one day to rest which is Saturday.. I feel bad if i neglected them..I'm sorry di, dd, ying... I hope you all will stay happy and any problem feel free to tell me.. If i'm not online in msn (due to my office comp) you can email me ^^...
At night, I can’t get to sleep. Tossing around, images flashing in my mind like movies. My sad memories, happy memories, angry memories and recall a lot of people I used to know.
I think everyone have this experiences, because of all the shit you been through. Whenever those flashback came and you recalled those hell you been through (Especially in love) your tears roll. Loving someone you shouldn’t love, how mad you fall in love with him and he turn out to be a jerk. And how much he hurt you wiped his ass and walk away leaving you to heal by yourself. When you think over how much suffer you had been thru and what you get in return from the society and life, make you feel really bad.
I asked myself…
How horrible my life can get? How much suffering do I have to go through?
Why can someone choose to forget things that they need to forget?
Why is it so hard to let go something you need to let go?
Am I going to be like this in the future, living with that stuff for the rest of my life?
Maybe the problem lies with me I’m not a good girl?
Tons and tons… I’m happy right now with hunny, but those flashback is killing me… I must be strong, strong infront of my friends, families and partner but I can’t help to be weak creature when I’m alone in the dark. That’s good enough to put a strong me infront of those who care for me. Everyone has a limit, I reached my limit.
My colleagues, been talking about me smiling all day to the computer and was happy for me.. Yes, someone so special make me smile and happy but it can’t totally remove my scar.. not yet.. I need time, Girls are emotionally creature we get so emotion over love and get hurt really bad. How many times hunny been consoling me and tell me how much I mean to him and the reply I gave him is I have no confident in myself due to the deep scar I had in my heart, I’m afraid have no confidence in myself to give anyone happiness. I doesn’t want to keep anything from him, I do love him but I can’t manage to cure the scar by myself it’s too deep I need sometime. He understand me and I’m so glad.
Sometimes, you can’t show sadness to someone you care and love as it might hurt him seeing you this way. Learning to hide, many people reading my blog how many of you are doing that right now hiding your real weak self deep inside your soul? I believe all gals are… Because girls, you are weak creature.
Still i said thanks and head myself to one cubicle... But he insist to bring me :s... so when im IN the cubicle... i said this...
Me: Oh, okie thanks alot.. (then i want to close the door)
He: Here is very dangerous... alot of dangerous creature... (creature :S.. what do you expect in a weird dream?)
He: I will just stay with you, don't be shy.. i stay here protect you.. (then he close the door with him and me inside!!!)
There's two door in the bathroom... one is locked from the back... one is the one he close... here is the layout (Self drawn so don't complain :O..)
Me: it's ok... please go out...
He: No no it's very dangerous, come good girl ok? Don't be scare... (then he tend to strip for me!!)
Then out of nowhere, my mum come THRU the lock door (i doesn't know how) with a chair. What's she gonna do with the chair? She put it beside the door and sit down watching... I WAS OMG
Me: Mum, he's trying to take advantage of me!
Mum: What you trying to do?
Me: (then i sneak out of the cubicle)
At that moment, something crawl in from another locked door to the cubicle. He take a broom and start hitting it... What is that? I asked myself.. so i stood there watching curiously.. Then after hard hitting... a head pop out... it's a cat... one eye is gone from the hitting... that cat tries to run...But he hold it... and hitting it constantly...
That cat almost die... i was crying and screaming asking him to STOP!! Then that cat tries to run away... I tried to run over but something is holding me... which i can't move... something holding me from my back... like tied up or something i can't remember..I only know im watching helplessly...
Then he take a metal spoon.... using a hammer and hit .. like nailing the cat!... on the hand, leg and head....the cat is looking at me with tears... crawling.. i was crying.. and i close my eyes... then i woke up... cold sweat OMG horrible dream... that is my nightmare i had :(....dunno what it means though.... but it's soo cruel
Alright, im going to take a rest... gyming later on... love all :D...
But today i did something different, my collegue gave me a link... from a blogger who passed away on 27-May-2006, she had last stage cancer. I read her post from the start but i kinda give up half way after 2 or 3 post.. pictures of needles poking all over her arms and the pain she's suffering... feel so sorry for her which i can't really go on...
The strong gal... view her blog here
She's strong and truly impress me... im wondering what will i do if im the one who need to suffer the pain. Honestly, i think i will give up easily. I'm someone who actually give up easily, all along... Especially to life, as i don't know is it worth living but of course now im worth living for someone :)...
Had instant porridge this morning o.O... a packet of oats thingy :S mix with hot water turn into porridge o.O.. lol -.- western porridge i guess...
From now onwards i will be having lotsa training and exercise so i must eat healthy. Making sure i have enough protein in my body which i realize OH SHIT did i take meat this week -.-... anyway lunch today will be chicken rice (without rice) and two vegetables :D.... Dinner will be as usual HL milk ...
Chatted with ying a little yesterday and btw today is her birthday!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY YING... i miss you... too bad i can't on msn :S... stupid comp.... but we make an agreement to go out for movie and dinner this sat...Feeling really bad, if i neglect my friend :( as you all know im working in KL... travelling back on fri afternoon (if im coming back) reached singapore on Friday night....Saturday is the only day i have.... sunday got to travel back to KL... so it's kinda tight.. But this weekend i will meet with her :D...but gonna rush to dentist in the morning first o.O... my back tooth feeling funny :(....
After lunch and around 1.45pm i will go take a nap on boss arm chair :P... comfy :D... as i got to wake up at 3.30pm to go for gym... Yesterday did circuit training not as hard as friday, went steam bath for about 30mins then had a long good shower.. It's still raining... standing outside 7 eleven (beside my gym) smoking and praying for rain to stop asap...
Impatient.... so i walk in the rain... looking for a cab.. finding shelter and stuff... to shelter myself. But there's no freaking shelter suitable for "taxi driver to spot me"... one stupid shelter with a BIG advertisement board blocking my way, or a taxi stand UNDER the building? OMG -_-... so pathetic me, walk from shelter to shelter seeking for a suitable place.
When i realize, Im sneezing away.. Wet hair, wet top, everything wet *Wink* =p....beside a bus stop, those mini cart with shelter? Yea, Im standing there... Finally a cab!!.... driver says additional 2 ringgit which is good...due to heavy jam everywhere...
Got in the cab around 7.30pm... reach my apartment around 8.25pm.. Wow you stays far away from your gym! NO :(.... it's only like 15mins journey normally.. normal traffic jam will be around 30 mins.. But traffic jam due to heavy rain = unlimited period :S....
Some changes made in my blog by my hunny :D.. i like it very much...Recieved some comments about my blog from readers ^^ thanks im glad that you like it.. It made by my hunny www.unknown-sky.blogspot.com :) for his blog, this morning when i came office he told me he added something in my blog so i went in and check ... he make a poem :D for me... on the background..aww love it so much ^^ muacks! thanks dear
Day 1
Check into hotel at Wan Chai,
Harbour View International Hotel
Then 30 mins later we head down to Tsim Sha Tsui where ladies market located. We took MTR as it's the best way to go around in HK, heavy traffic jams and our hotel located across the ocean to most place that we are heading. Taking cab across will be extra charges of HKD20. So we took MTR it's really crowded as all of you know Hong kong has really high population, so the MTR was like 3 times more crowded compared to Singapore MRT crowds. You will have to push your way in or you can never get into the train. We squeeze our way in, it's already packed. Still a lady push her way in behind us.. the feeling was like squeezing us into a tin :S...
Tsim Sha Tsui walkway to Ladies market.
Then i saw a big crowds so i went to take a peep.. saw a giant dog...everyone crowd around to take picture with the dog...im trying to take a good shot of it but it's too crowded :S thats the best i got
Finally reached Ladies Market.
Bought two tops, a wallet for mum and passport holder from there. Its almost the same as KL chinatown.
Had desert there and went back to hotel around midnight. My cousin doze off in awhile im still wondering around watching tv and talking with hunny.
Day 2
On city tour that day, went for dim sum in the morning. HKD 50, 8 dishes per pax. Not too bad it's much nicer compared to Singapore dim sum. Then head off with the tour guide.. Reached a boring place with 18k GOLD golden flower, what the tour guide says was that is a gift from China gov. to Hongkong resident when Hongkong offically returns to China.
My cousin and me, too bad it's raining, we can't really enjoy the seaview over there. So it's very boring :s...
Then we head off to Aberdeen, fisherman village.
Jumbo ship, major seafood on the ship it's really expensive i heard.
Tour guide says Andy lau, jacky cheung and alot of stars always park their boat here wonder which one is andy lau's :P
ok i look gay -.- doesn't matter hehe...
After that we head down to a temple.
Tour guide telling us in the coach about the temple, and there is a god of wealth..feel it all over with your hands but never touch the feet.. then after you feel the god... put your hands in the pocket...means bring back the wealth ^^...Theres another god to ask for baby.. feel the duo zhi fo and put in ur pocket means you ask for a baby son or daughter. So my cousin thought that is a laughing buddha -.- she touch it.. and put in her pocket so i tell her to be careful lol -.-.... she was like OMG..
Will update the rest..in disneyland tmorrow... my computer having lotsa problem (in office) sooo slow..might not be in msn for a while... ><" after reformat i will be on... take care all..
